


Blue Hydrangeas

by Irregular_Psychic



Series: Musical Fanfics [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Jared is Jeremy's Twin, Jared sometimes lives with Jeremy, M/M, Self Loathing, and they switch chores when he does, and vomiting, but he almost never does them bc evan, hanahaki disease au, so tw for blood, squip is much nicer in this story, the first chapter is jeremy and michael mending their friendship, this is my first work on ao3 so its probably not that good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-03-17 16:19:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18968827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irregular_Psychic/pseuds/Irregular_Psychic
Summary: Jeremy Heere has been suffering the Hanahaki Disease for a couple of months now. His first thought was that Christine Canigula, his long-time crush was the cause. But now, he's not so sure.





	1. A Teen, A Supercomputer and Another Teen Walk Into A McDonalds

**Author's Note:**

> The SQUIP is way nicer so he's closer to the Book!SQUIP rather than the Musical!SQUIP. Also, Will Roland!Jeremy is amazing so I will...make him....suffer...oh wait.
> 
> Also, Jeremy is aware that he is bisexual. He hasn't come out of the closet to anyone yet. But he isn't aware that he's bi for Michael. He just knows that he thinks boys and girls are both neat.
> 
> SQUIP doesn't fix his vision in this because I stan Will Roland!Jeremy with glasses and so does SQUIP. 
> 
> tw: throwing up, blood, angst (is that a tw?), anxiety, Internalized homophobia, self loathing

_**Hanahaki Disease** _ _(_ _**花吐き病** _ _(Japanese);_ _**하나하키병** _ _(Korean);_ _**花吐病** _ _(Chinese)) is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear._

Jeremy couldn't believe what he read. After researching his condition on Google, this is all he would find. They all lead to this search result. But it all just sounded so fictional. How would something like this exist? Why would it exist? He wouldn't believe it if he didn't have the disease right now.

He wished it was all just a dream. He inhaled deeply, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of the small flowers trying to escape his esophagus and exhaled right after. He closed his eyes for a solid minute trying to imagine of a happy scenario on his mind. He's in Sbarros with Christine, Michael and his dad (who's wearing decent clothes for once). He didn't have a SQUIP, he didn't have this Hanahaki disease. The four of them were happily eating lunch, chatting and joking around. 

Then he opened his eyes. He stared down at his bedroom floor. He realized that his situation was way worse than the one he had imagined. He was sitting on his bed, cross-legged. His bedroom had looked like it had been run over by a garbage truck. There were stray clothes everywhere, if you searched hard enough, you would find small petals that resembled blue hydrangeas. And most importantly, he was trying his damn best not to throw up any more blue hydrangeas onto his bedroom floor. He had a splitting headache and an existential crisis. 

He hadn't realized it, but he had started shaking. He had a lump in his throat and he wasn't sure if it's a feeling of dread trying to crawl out or the flowers that are running up his throat. Then, he couldn't take it anymore. 

He dashed out of his room and ran into the bathroom down the hall. He threw up into the toilet. This went on for a couple of minutes until there weren't as much hydrangeas in his throat as there were before. He stared at the blue flowers floating in the toilet, mixing with blood. Then he realized something that would haunt him until he inevitably dies from the disease.

_He was dying. But he didn't know who caused it._ _Why was he so pathetic like this?_

_SQUIP? You there?_ Jeremy called out to his digital companion. He would forever thank the SQUIP for actually listening to him whenever Jeremy asks the processor to give him a break whenever he feels like throwing up. 

He had talked to Christine before the flowers weren't as serious as they were now. Apparently, she had truly found herself and came out as aroace. She seemed so happy that Jeremy didn't notice a lump forming in his throat as he heard Christine's cheery tone say something that could potentially be the cause of his death. But now, he wasn't so sure that Christine was the culprit.

He sure did like her and it seemed unrequited, sure. But something at the back of his head that he couldn't quite understand was saying that it wasn't her.

I mean, who would be so cruel to make someone fall in love with a person who would never ever return their feelings and ending in one of them dying because of it? That's just a straight up nightmare. But that's what the disease was. A nightmare. A cruel, never-ending nightmare. Except it wasn't never-ending since you'd either have the person return your feelings or die.

Besides, he shouldn't be angry at Christine. He should be glad that she's helping him out. After Christine found out about his condition after he threw up in the bathroom near the drama club, she tried her best to find out what caused it and would often check on Jeremy to see if he was okay.

She probably had no idea what the condition was either since according to Google, it was very rare and barely anyone talked about it. It became an epidemic around the 1990s and ended in the 2000s apparently, so it was very rare for someone to make an updated article on the disease. But still, she tried her best, bringing him water, hanging out with him until he felt better, swearing that she would find out what his condition was and cure him of it. He could never ask for a better best friend. Second best friend, actually.

Second to none other than Michael himself. Jeremy made sure Michael wouldn't know. SQUIP told him to not inform Michael of his condition. He said it would only make things worse. But deep down, he knew that SQUIP knew something he didn't.

"Hey, if you're a supercomputer in my brain, why didn't you let me know what my condition actually is from the start?" Jeremy whispered, his throat sore and painful. He hadn't noticed before, but tears started spilling from his eyes. He took off his glasses and wiped them apathetically.

"I'm sorry, Jeremy. The probabilities of you being with....er...the one you asked to be paired with seemed to be higher if you didn't know about your condition until sooner." SQUIP apologized, feeling guilty. Now Jeremy was probably gonna die from his poor decisions. He should've prioritized Jeremy's health and not the mission Jeremy wanted to be done. But alas, his programming was way more powerful than his own feelings. Besides, he wasn't supposed to even develop feelings. He was a supercomputer. A robot. A cheap, fake excuse for an all-knowing artificial human.

"Couldn't you just stop the flowers from appearing in my esophagus or something?" Jeremy asked before coughing really badly. He had ignored the weird way SQUIP had phrased Christine. "Since you can control my body or something? That sounded really weird and kinky but still."

"That's not how it works, Jeremy. I have tried many times before. But no matter how much I try removing them, they keep appearing right after." SQUIP reasoned sorrowfully. "I know it goes against my mission but, why not get the surgery instead, Jeremy?"

"I...I don't think surgery can save me now." Jeremy burst into tears, sobbing quietly.

"Of course it can, Jeremy. 93% of people who take the surgery survive. Who says you won't be part of the majority?" SQUIP tried to cheer him up. "I...I know this contradicts everything I've said but...  _Call Michael Mell._ "

The phone that had been tucked in one of Jeremy's pockets rung loudly for about a minute until someone finally picked up. Jeremy flinched as soon as an angry "What do you want?" dripped with venom from the other side.

Jeremy wiped his tears and quietly mouthed a  _"fuck you"_ at the Keanu Reeves look-alike. 

"And don't even try to end the call. I can't let you do that. I'm sorry..."SQUIP apologized again.

"Hello? Are you even there?" Michael hissed on the other end.

"I-i'm sorry for everything." Jeremy started. Was that what he was supposed to say? He didn't know himself. "A-are you okay?" His voice cracked a little bit as the hydrangeas started tickling his throat again.

"Yep. Definitely! After being abandoned by my best friend for 2 weeks! I'm fine!" He hissed once again. Was he holding back tears? It sure sounded like it did. God, Jeremy was such a bad best friend.

"I-I'm sorry! It's just...with SQUIP, he, he said that the best way that I could get Christine was to block you from my vision...and...and I was so naive..." Jeremy couldn't hold it in anymore. He started sobbing before he could finish. "I know...I know I don't deserve you...but...please...just know that I still care about you."

"I...Jere...I'm still upset you chose to ignore me to get Christine...but I...I know that you'll just end up happier with Christine in the end..." Michael trailed off. Jeremy felt a pit of guilt manifest itself in his stomach and each second provided it more time to grow bigger and bigger.

"Michael, I'm sorry. I'll never leave you again. Can... Can I make it up to you? Can we meet up and apologize in person?" Jeremy had to keep himself from sobbing even more. He wanted to make it up to his best friend. After all, he treated him like human garbage for weeks just to get the girl he liked.

"Are you sure you're not just gonna ditch me again? Because I'm better off the way I am now rather than being abandoned by my best friend a second time." Michael suddenly sounded so serious.

"Yes! I promise. Please. I don't know what I'd do without you, Micah. The whole time I've been trying to be popular, it felt really nice. But it seemed so fake and forced. It didn't feel genuine at all...." Jeremy rambled on as he clenched his fists together. "I promise I won't mess it up this time."

"Well then, let's meet up at the McDonalds across our high school in the next 15 minutes. Is that okay?" Michael suggested, his voice returned to his usual cheer-filled tone before all of this happened but now it was way quieter than before. It was very soothing. A familiar tone of voice that Jeremy longed for ever since he shut his best friend out.

"Yes. Definitely. Thank you, Micah. You won't regret this!" Jeremy cried, but this time, they were tears of happiness. He was going to see his best friend after half a month of the SQUIP blocking him from Jeremy's vision. Why wouldn't he be happy right now?

"Yeah, I hope I won't either, bud." And with that, Michael ended the call and Jeremy was left,  sobbing happily on the floor of his bathroom.

He didn't seem to realize that the blue hydrangeas had stopped trying to make their way out of Jeremy's throat. But Jeremy merely thought it was because he was too happy to realize they even existed or that he had become so used to them that he didn't really notice it anymore.

After a minute of crying, Jeremy cleaned himself up along with the bathroom and decided to take a shower to reward himself. After he stepped out the bath, he threw on his old obnoxiously bright blue-yellow-red striped shirt that he used to constantly wear on a daily basis. He found his dark blue cardigan scattered across his messy bedroom floor. And after he put on a pair of khakis (that he honestly wasn't too proud of owning), he was ready to be a loser again.

But what would the SQUIP say? After all he had done to try and make Jeremy fit the standards of chill, they all had gone down the drain because of this one date (that Jeremy wouldn't admit it was) with Michael.

"Don't worry about what I think, Jeremy. I've done enough harm than good. It'd probably be better if you did your own thing today. But if you're really in need of help, I'll just be here." The SQUIP informed, aware of what was racing in Jeremy's mind at the moment.

And with that, Jeremy left the house. With the help of the SQUIP, Jeremy found the McDonald's way before Michael did. He could tell because there wasn't a run-down PT Cruiser in the parking lot. Yeah, Michael could've walked here but when Jeremy entered the fast food place, he wasn't in there either.

Jeremy had to take initiative and sit on the farthest table to the door because...well...he wanted to and the SQUIP didn't really mind either.

After a minute or two, Michael arrived and tried to look for Jeremy. He eventually found the tiny gremlin and walked over.

"So, the tic-tac's letting this happen?" Was the first thing that escaped from Michael as he took a seat opposite to Jeremy.

"Yes. He said that he's done more harm than good so he'll allow me to do this because it'll probably end better than keeping us apart." Jeremy reasoned, refusing to meet Michael's eyes.

"So this thing is a 'he' now?" Michael scoffed.

"Well, 'this thing' prefers to be called that. Who are we to judge?" Jeremy shrugged. He wasn't really sure why the supercomputer would have preferred pronouns, but he was willing to go along with it.

Michael took a deep breath like this was getting too intense for him too quickly. "Anyways, where's my apology?" Michael asked adamantly.

"I, I'm sorry, Michael. I truly am. All the things I said over the phone, they were all true. I truly want to be with Christine but I know it's impossible now. And besides, even if I did manage to get with her, it wouldn't be worth it. I would've lost an amazing best friend for life." Jeremy hung his head low as he started to feel the hydrangeas crawl out of his throat. "Will you please forgive me?"

Michael's narrowed eyes and pouted lip softened as he replies with a, "Of course, bud."

"But. You have to get rid of the SQUIP." Michael added sternly. "It's done nothing but ruin your life and from what you said over the phone, I can tell that's true."

"I...of course. But the SQUIP has been generous enough to let me meet up with you, though. He's really sorry for all he's done to me. Especially since I started throwing up flowers--" Jeremy stopped rambling. He had just told Michael what he wasn't supposed to.

"Throwing up...flowers? Are you okay, Jere? I'm worried, you know." Michael tried to reach for Jeremy's hand to comfort him.

"Oh, uh. That's like a term in, uh, theater! You know, to throw up flowers means being really nervous!!" Jeremy wanted to melt into Michael's touch but instead, he started making things up about his condition to try and keep it under wraps.

"Oh, that makes sense. You know, my mind went to that weird epidemic that started in the 90s and ended in the 2000s called the Hanahaki Disease thing. People would just throw up flowers because of unrequited love or shit like that." Michael pulled his hand away (much to Jeremy's dismay) and started his habit of rambling again. "I figure it's just some fantasy shit for sadistic 13-year-olds to write crappy fanfics about it."

Oh how Jeremy wished that Michael was right. "That sounds scary. I'm glad that isn't real." Jeremy hoped that his voice didn't falter. He'd make Michael worried again and he didn't want that.

Putting all the sad feelings aside, Jeremy was feeling super happy to see Michael after all that happened over the two weeks since he got the SQUIP. Michael looked as if nothing happened to him over the course of 2 weeks.

He had his same red hoodie from 7th grade that was littered with fabric patches of all kind. Most of them were video games that both of them deeply enjoyed.

Jeremy forgot how beautiful Michael's tanned chocolate skin was. Though it was quite obvious that Michael hadn't taken a shower today since his hair was greasy as hell, his skin shone brighter than it normally did.

And his glasses. They were the same, tacky-looking square-framed glasses that Michael wore since day one of their friendship. They were carefully perched on his cute nose. And his chocolate brown eyes, oh, they were the highlight of everything.

The eyes that Jeremy would (unknowingly) swoon over (though he never admits to that) had lost their glimmer but they were still beautiful.

Jeremy didn't realize but his mouth slowly gaped open as Michael looked at him weirdly.

"Dude? Are you okay? You've been staring blankly at me for about a minute. Am I making this awkward or something? I can go order food if you want--" Michael offered as he began to stand up.

Jeremy immediately became red with embarrassment. "Oh no no no no! Let me do it! That's the least I can do for dragging you here!"

"Jeremy, I know my opinion would usually make things worse than they already are, but I think it's better if Michael gets the food. There a probable future where you and Michael will share a kiss if that happens." SQUIP informed Jeremy. SQUIP had kept from Jeremy that he had actually requested to be with either Michael or Christine because a little voice at the back of Jeremy's mind told him to not believe his constantly growing crush on Michael.

So SQUIP went with the flow as his statistics had told him that things would go better if Jeremy never knew that he subconsciously wished for either Christine or Michael.

But he had slipped right now. But Jeremy wouldn't know.

 _What the hell? SQUIP, I know you're an all-knowing supercomputer who can basically predict the future but this is by far, your worst idea. Why would I want to kiss my best friend? That's so wrong on so many levels!_ Jeremy hissed at the supercomputer.

"Is he talking to you right now?" Michael broke the silence between the two teens.

"O-oh. Yeah. He was right now. He suggested that you should do it because 'it'll turn out favorable for me' or something like that. But I'd rather order food for my best friend than sit here for 10 minutes listening to SQUIP nag at me like a mom." Jeremy explained as he quickly dashed away from their table and into one of the lines.

Then he realized that he hadn't asked Michael what he wanted to eat.

"He wants large fries with gravy and a caramel ice cream sundae. He had ordered that 11 times when both of you hang out in McDonalds in the past." SQUIP advised him.

 _Thanks, bro. Still not forgiving you for that last piece of advice though._ Jeremy replied.

As soon as he got to the front of the line. The cashier in front of him looked dead behind the eyes. She was a short-haired girl who wore the standard McDonald's employee uniform. She had a little sticker that said "Hello! I'm Veronica!" on her left breast.

"Hello. Welcome to McDonalds. What do you want?" Veronica deadpanned. After she saw that Jeremy was a highschooler, she wasn't going to be formal to this kid.

"Oh, um. 1 large fries, 2 caramel ice cream sundaes and a cheeseburger please." Jeremy reluctantly added 'please' to the end of his sentence. But hey, if she didn't act nice to Jeremy, it didn't mean that he should too.

After a few minutes, he was at in front of Michael while eating his cheeseburger.

"Bro, how did you know I wanted fries with gravy?" Michael chimed unexpectedly as he scarfed down his fries.

"Oh, um, SQUIP told me." Jeremy  reluctantly answered. He didn't think Michael wanted to hear from the SQUIP ever again but what can he do? Lie? Of course not. Who was he? Evan Hansen?

"Woah, so he isn't good for nothing." Michael rolled his eyes.

"I'm terribly sorry if I upset you, Michael. Please don't tell Jeremy this but Christine wasn't the only one who he wanted to be with.

"And I know you may be wondering why I'm telling you this. But it's because I feel like I should. This isn't part of my programming so I'm not scheming anything." SQUIP apologized to Michael through Jeremy. Except Jeremy didn't know about it since SQUIP had blocked Jeremy from hearing any of this. It sounded cruel, but he didn't want to tell Jeremy just yet.

Michael almost jumped from his seat as Jeremy's eyes faintly glowed with bright striking blue and the SQUIP had started talking.

Why was the SQUIP telling him all this? And what did it mean? Jeremy liked two people and wanted to be with one of them? Who the hell was this other girl? All the girls in their class had made Jeremy either barf or cringe. And Michael knew that because they would both diss the girls in their class. So it couldn't be anyone from their class...

Michael slumped back into his seat as Jeremy came to.

"Michael? You okay? You look kinda pale. And yes, that is apparently possible." Jeremy fixed his glasses to look at Michael clearly.

"Oh, uh, nothing. Was thinking about the SQUIP for a second. Like, how could the people who made it incorporate a supercomputer into a small pill? I think it's amazing! I know this might be hard to ask but does the SQUIP have a form or is it literally just a voice in your head?" Michael blurts out, completely making things up. His odd habit of rambling on is coming in handy right now. But I mean, he wasn't  _completely_  lying. He  _was_  thinking of what the SQUIP said to him.

"Um, he has a form. He looks like Keanu Reeves. And he even changes clothes from time to time. I think his favorite is the blue jacket with a white shirt underneath." Jeremy answered the latter question as he didn't really know the answer to the first one.

"That's cool. Does it have feelings? Or is it just a robot?" Michael asked further. He knew that something about the SQUIP seemed more human than it seemed.

"Um, I think so. But I can't speak for him. And for the last time Michael, SQUIP is a he. You can't just misgender him like this!" Jeremy defended SQUIP. He had gotten closer to the processor but he didn't realize it until words just started fumbling out of his mouth that were defending SQUIP. 

"I..." Michael wanted to slam his hands on the table in anger. But he knew that it would make things worse. He didn't want to be separated from his Player 2 a second time. "I'm sorry, man. I have a feeling he's more human than I make him out to be but he made your life hell for weeks! I can't forgive him for that just yet." Michael reasoned as he swatted away the urge to lash out in front of his best friend.

"I'm glad you care about my wellbeing, Michael. But it's not his fault. I don't blame him for what I wanted him to do. I wanted to be with Christine. And he tried to make it happen with his extensive knowledge.

"But his programming is way stronger than his actual opinions. And I don't want him to feel bad about doing something he couldn't stop, ya know?" Jeremy timidly reasoned, unconsciously scratching the back of his neck.

Now Michael was even more curious about this second girl. Who was this person? Why hasn't Jeremy mentioned her to him? Weren't they best friends? He had to know about this girl. He needed to ask Jeremy about her. In a subtle way.

Now, Michael wasn't the jealous type. He was indeed disappointed when Jeremy started rambling about Christine in 8th grade and never stopped. But he never hated Christine for it. I mean, she's a cheerful, nice theater kid! How bad can theater kids be??

But this second girl Jeremy never mentioned however. It made Michael boil when he thought of this girl that he didn't know about. Was he really that untrustworthy with keeping the secret of a second crush?

"Um, so. Seen any hot girls lately?" Michael asked.  _Okay, too subtle._

"Why are you asking me that? No. Not really. I still really like Christine. But she came out as aroace pretty recently so I know that's never gonna happen now. I don't know how SQUIP is still around knowing that his mission will never be completed though." Jeremy looked down at his cheeseburger sadly.

"Um, do you like anyone else other than Christine?" Michael asked again.  _Okay, too specific!! What the hell, Michael!!_

"W-what? Um, n-not really, at the moment." Jeremy almost jumped, startled from the suddenly specific question. Did Michael catch Jeremy staring at him for ungodly amounts of times the whole year? I mean, Jeremy knew that he liked boys but he didn't like Michael  _like that_!

Besides, even if he does, Michael would never like him back. Michael was straight as a pencil.  Maybe he was the reason behind his condition? Hah. Of course not. They both liked each other platonically. And that's all it'll ever be.  _ **Platonic**_.

"Um, no-not really? I-i-i don't think so." Jeremy started repeating what he had said earlier only stumbling over his words even further. Now he was caught! Michael would think that Jeremy liked him and he would avoid him forever!

_He's such a fucking queer and he hated it. Why did he have to be queer??_

He remembered the day he found Mike Faist from Newsies remotely attractive. It was the summer of 8th grade. He started freaking out. Thinking stuff like,  _was he gay?_  No. He liked girls. But he wasn't entirely straight either.

He had to look stuff up on Google like:

_what does it mean if I think mike faist is attractive but I like girls too?_

_Is it possible to like boys and girls?_

_I like boys but I also like girls_

_What does it mean if I think a boy looks cute and I'm a boy but I like girls too?_

He ended up learning a lot more about lgbt+ terms and finding out he was bisexual. He didn't want to disclose this to anyone since they would probably call him names and stuff.

He was so happy back then. He felt a feeling of euphoria as soon as he related to the words other bisexuals wrote down.

But there he was right now. Regretting being himself.

"Jeremy. Please. Don't hate yourself. It's not wrong to be bisexual. It's not wrong to be queer. I mean, I'm technically aromantic asexual like Christine Canigula. So that means we can be queer together.

"And I know it isn't my place to say this but Michael is most likely not what you're thinking about right now.

"And I know I'm sounding like a mother, but I care about you, Jeremy. I know I'm not suppose to feel emotions but I am. And I don't regret that at all. It means I can understand you better so I can make you feel better.

"So, Jeremy, please don't hate yourself." SQUIP tried to comfort Jeremy's thoughts of self loathing.

He could just wipe out the feeling of sadness from Jeremy. But he didn't like that. He felt like he was doing it against Jeremy's will. Like the time he took over Jeremy's body earlier. He hated doing it. But he had to. Right now, he wasn't gonna do it though. He had enough of manipulating Jeremy like he was some puppet.

 _Thanks, SQUIP. I don't know what I'd do without you._ Jeremy thanked him for his help. Without SQUIP, Jeremy would've probably resorted to bottling up his feelings until it exploded into a cocktail of emotions.

"Jeremy? Are you okay? Oh, fuck you're having a panic attack! What do I do? What do I do!!" Michael turned into a rambling mess of a person, furiously running his hands through his hair out of habit. "Jeremy, can you hear me?" He tried to call him. Could he rub Jeremy's back? What if it makes him worse? He can't do that to him.

"I-i'm o-okay." Jeremy let out a forced breath as he tried to focus on Michael.

"Can I rub your back?" Michael cooed, trying to get Jeremy's permission before he did anything he might regret.

"I-if you want to." Jeremy replied quietly.

And for a few minutes, Michael was rubbing circles on Jeremy's back and helped Jeremy with breathing exercises until he had gotten out of his panic attack.

"I, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about crushes and stuff. You might still be sad about Christine. I just thought that since it's practically impossible for you and Christine to be together, you'd have your eyes on some other girl instead." Michael apologized grimly as he returned to run his fingers through his hair.

"....girl?" Jeremy mumbled, sure that Michael wouldn't hear it.

Thank God, Michael still though he was straight! Not that he would hate Jeremy for being bi. I mean, he literally has two moms, how homophobic can he get?

"Um, not really. I don't have any eyes on any  _girls_  other than Christine right now." Jeremy seemed to unconsciously emphasize 'girls' in his statement.

Michael cocked his eyebrow at the strange emphasis on 'girls' but he wasn't going to question it at the moment. So they just sat there for a few minutes, eating their respective foods in solitude.

Jeremy couldn't take the silence though. So he had to bring up another conversation piece or leave the scene. He chose the latter.

"So, um. I think I gotta go now. My dad's probably getting worried. I haven't mentioned to him that I'd hang out with you today so he's probably freaking out already. Bye, Micah." Jeremy bid him goodbye as soon as he rapidly finished his sundae and cheeseburger.

He tried to briskly walk out of the fast food place before Michael could say anything. And as soon as he took a step into the outside world, he breathed a sigh of relief.

His anxiety skyrocketed during that brief period where none of them said anything and it was killing him. But now, he left Michael in McDonald's all by himself.

He decided to text Michael in case he got worried or something.

_Chat with_ **_//might call mell//_ ** _is opened_

_care-bear heere: you Micah. Sorry for leaving on such short notice. If you wanna talk, just text me, OK?_

And with that, Jeremy walked home. He knew that he would become a sweating mess at the end of the walk but he didn't really mind. It beats sitting on a crummy bus sitting next to a homeless dude who suspiciously smells like piss for 7 minutes.

After he trudged through the streets of New Jersey, he couldn't help but talk to SQUIP.

_Hey, why did you think that Michael kissing me would be a good thing? Like, I know you have your own feelings and stuff now._

_But I feel like you're going too overboard with trying to play matchmaker for me and Michael. Besides, I  don't even like him like that._  Jeremy subtly turned to his side as SQUIP manifested beside him.

"Well, you're going to hate me for this but..." SQUIP started as he pulled down the hem of his shirt nervously. "That was my programming."

 _What? So did your programming think that because I can never be with Christine, it suddenly malfunctions and pins everything on Michael?_ Jeremy quirked his eyebrows as if SQUIP had suddenly grown a tree from his head.

"Not exactly."SQUIP started again. "Your request wasn't to be paired with Christine. It was more than that..."

 _What do you mean? Just get to the point,  SQUIP!_ Jeremy scrunched his face impatiently, walking faster.

"Well, you wanted to be with either Christine or Michael." SQUIP finished sounding reluctant.

 _Wait, what? But when you activated you only said Christine?_  Jeremy stopped in his tracks. Luckily, nobody was around to witness that. He was in his neighborhood already, and no one there was that extroverted to go on walks at 3:30 pm.

"Well, I can access your memories, and before I discovered that consent wasn't an optional thing, I found out that you secretly liked Michael but wasn't aware of it yourself.

"I had seen in some future that you'll most likely get with someone who you've been with for 12 years easier than a girl you've never talked to before. So my programming was subtly shifting towards Michael at that time. But eventually, my programming decided that Christine seemed like a better match compared to a stoner like Michael. No offense though! I totally respect his choices now!" SQUIP explained further.

 _So I wasn't platonically admiring him the entire time?_  Jeremy widened his eyes in horror.

"Nope, I believe that your admiration was romantic the entire time starting from the summer of 7th grade." SQUIP chuckled, trying to calm Jeremy down by patting his back before realizing that he couldn't do that.

Jeremy immediately snapped back into reality and ran home. He stood in front of his house.

The same, run-down New Jersey household that he had lived in all his life. He rapidly panted, quickly realizing that he wasn't very fit.

But this realization. It hit him hard. He clutched the left side of his chest, staring at the doorstep.

_He loved Michael Mell._


	2. Some Twins and Teriyaki Chicken, Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild angst but at least there's sibling interactions! And Evan and Jared being annoyingly adorable together. Very dialogue heavy but that disappears fairly quickly as my motivation to write dialogue and weird dialogue heavy writing phase does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared makes his appearance! So does their dad, Evan, and Michael's moms! Now, I know I said this'd be two chapters, but I overestimated myself and I still haven't finished the second part. So I'm publishing most of it and hope that some force will give me motivation to finish the last part which'll be the third and last chapter.
> 
> To all the people who have stuck around, thank you! Hopefully I'll give this story a satisfying conclusion! Also, happy early new year! Maybe this can count as a belated Christmas gift?

Jeremy didn't hear the door creak open but he was woken up from his trance when a very familiar voice (because it was the same as his) groaned, "Are you just gonna keep on kneeling in front of the doormat or are you coming inside? I have to get back to my homework with Evan."

Jeremy cocked his head up to be met with a clone of him. Okay, nevermind. It was just Jared.

"Er, uh, I'm sorry, Jare. You can leave. I'll close the door when I come in." Jeremy stood up and wiped all the dust off his sweater. Damn that Jared. It was his turn to dust the doormat this week. They've talked about this! They switch chores every week. But,  _no_. He just  _has_  to spend all his merry time canoodling with his boyfriend, Evan.

And he doesn't blame Jared. Evan's a great guy. Well, he's kind of a pathological liar. (Jeremy remembers the time he came home to Evan scrambling in the kitchen to fix a broken mug and admitting that it was the family cat's fault. Even if they didn't have one since Jeremy's dad is very allergic.) But its very clear that both of them deeply care about each other. And that's enough proof for Jeremy.

Jeremy enters his house and remembers to close the door behind him since Jared would probably throw a hissy fit if he didn't. He decides to avoid Jared's room since he knows they're probably not doing homework no matter how diligent Evan was.

 _Probably making out_. Jeremy shudders at the thought. As much as he loves his brother, he doesn't need to see him and his boyfriend making out in Jared's bedroom.

He headed upstairs, almost forgetting about his interaction with Michael that afternoon. When it finally hit him again, he's in front of his computer desk and ready to play the shitty Google Pacman game.

"Aw, fuck. I'm such a bad friend." He buried his face in his hands, accidentally slamming his glasses into his face in the process. After a short "ow!" and Jeremy regretting all his life choices, SQUIP reappears in front of him. Jeremy forgot SQUIP ever disappearing but he doesn't think about it too much. He has much more important matters to think about.

"So, what now?" Jeremy groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, his glasses in the other.

"Well, that's really up to you. I could help you need your friendship with Michael and maybe help it become even more, but I'm not gonna try anything unless you want me to." SQUIP shrugged, he knew he didn't satisfy Jeremy with his answer, but the boy didn't press further.

"Well, before I make that decision, I'm gonna check my messages. I hope Michael hasn't blocked me yet. Oh god, I left him alone in that McDonald's! I promised not to leave him behind anymore." He lightly slapped his own face a few times while thinking about the best way he could move away from New Jersey and never set foot near the Mell household ever again.

"Those are really creative ways of illegally moving to a different state, Jeremy. But I don't think either of you would want that. I think Michael would understand if you explained to him why you left so early." SQUIP quipped, crossing his arms and chuckling at Jeremy's colorful imagination.

"Yeah, and one of the reasons is because I just found out that I have a crush on him. You really think he'd be okay with that? I've already seen how he reacted to me gushing about Christine! He'd be even more uncomfortable around me! And I thought you were an all-knowing supercomputer." Jeremy finished with a scoff.

Before SQUIP could retort with a witty comment, a loud series of knocks fill the room and a very annoyed Jared saying, "Will you kindly stop talking to yourself so loudly? Evan and I are getting annoyed! We can hear you from downstairs!"

A soft, "N-no I'm not! I'm fine with it! Its just a tad too loud!" from the other side could be heard right after.

"Evan says he's kind of okay with it but that doesn't mean you're allowed to keep this up! I'm telling dad if you get any louder! And if you're talking to this weird supercomputer again, tell it to remind you to lower your voice." Jared finished as his footsteps grow quieter as he and Evan walk back to Jared's room. Probably to finish their homework. Not that they were doing that from the beginning.

"Okay, remember how I said you shouldn't say whatever you want to say to me since nobody else can see me and you'll look crazy? Yeah. Do that. Or else your brother's gonna burn your room down." SQUIP suggested, turning to sit on Jeremy's bed.

"Yeah."

A little shock came down Jeremy's spine.

 _I mean, yeah._  Jeremy winced.

"Oh crap. Sorry! Bad habit." SQUIP apologized.

 _It's fine. I'm used to it._  Jeremy shrugged.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I should do it!" SQUIP protested. "Nobody deserves that sort of treatment and you know that, Jeremy. Unless you're a murderer or something."

 _But what about what I did to Michael? I left him all by himself and stopped talking to him for 2 weeks and ditched him at a McDonalds. What's as punishment worthy as that?_  Jeremy shrunk further into himself as he wrapped his hands around his legs, which were now resting on his chair.

A moment of silence engulfed the room.

 _Okay, I know I made the situation sound way lighter than it actually is, but you get my point! We've never been apart from each other for longer than 4 hours, so a week would definitely worry him. Or worse, make him think I don't need him! You know he's always in the worst case scenario!_  Jeremy practically screamed at the supercomputer in his head.

"Well, surely if you explained  _why_  you did that, he'd understand." SQUIP suggested.

 _We already know why I did that! Because I wanted to get with Christine. Michael knows that._  Jeremy huffed, burying his face into his arms.

"That's not the only reason." SQUIP quipped, crossing his arms.

 _Asdfghjkl. The second reason is even worse!_  Jeremy glared at the supercomputer across the room.

SQUIP responded with a quizzical glance as if he was saying,  _"I didn't know you could say that in your head, but a supercomputer like me can learn something each day."_  Before returning to his usual reserved look.

"Jeremy,  _please_ , listen to me. Michael will listen to you and he won't abandon you!" SQUIP said adamantly as he was getting tired of this situation. " _Please_  get this through your thick skull. Michael's your best friend, he fucking loves you. Why would he stop talking to you because you like him?!" He snapped. He then realized how awful the retort he replied with was.

Jeremy recoiled with surprise at the sudden change of attitude shown by the SQUIP.

SQUIP realized his mistake and slapped his face in disappointment in himself.

"Look, Jeremy. I'm sorry. I truly am. But this argument is getting nowhere. And I know that if you don't resolve this now, guilt will eat at you until Michael leaves you for good." SQUIP explained as calmly and quietly as he could.

"Okay, I, I guess I'm gonna visit the Mell household tomorrow." Jeremy scratches his face unconsciously as he finally agrees with SQUIP's advice.

Jeremy gets up and stretches his arms which have gotten tired of being in one position for a long time.

"What do we have for dinner?" Jeremy asked the SQUIP as if the supercomputer would know.

"If my calculations are correct, Jared and Evan would have finished eating all the chicken teriyaki by now." SQUIP answered hoping he wasn't wrong. It didn't feel nice to be wrong. He didn't know if this was a human emotions thing, but it seemed to be.

Jeremy dashed downstairs and yelled into Jared's bedroom. "JARED, DID YOU EAT THE REST OF OUR CHICKEN?!"

He peered inside and was just in time to see Evan in the middle of feeding Jared the last of his chicken teriyaki. They both flushed red and immediately jumped away from each other, as if that was the worst thing that Jeremy would have seen.

"You, you, I told you to knock before coming inside!" Jared pointed an accusing finger at his twin brother.

Jeremy replies with nothing but an irritated glare. "And Dad told us to not finish the chicken teriyaki which was for tonight's dinner and not you and your boyfriend's afternoon snack." He started as he leaned on the door frame and crossed his arms.

"I, um, well, Evan was hungry..." Jared's face flushed more as he desperately tried to cover it.

"And you couldn't order a pizza because?" Jeremy retorted.

"The delivery guy makes Evan anxious! And the doorbell! Why do we even have that thing? It's really loud!" Jared replied, turning to stare at something other than his brother.

"That's the point of doorbells, you idiot." Jeremy pinched his nose, getting really tired of his brother's endearments for his boyfriend disguised as weak excuses. "Anyways, now that the last of our dinner's gone, you might as well ring up some pizza so dad doesn't have your head for dinner."

"Pfft, I don't have to try hard to please him! We know  _I'm_  the favorite." Jared scoffed, waving his hand aimlessly at his brother.

Jeremy's glare didn't fade. "Oh really? Because last time, when you forgot to return home one night because you didn't tell Dad that you'd be staying over at Evan's, he grounded you. Does  _that_  seem like something you'd do to a favorite?"

"Well, staying at Evan's for the night and finishing dinner are two different things! Our dad is a man of good judgement and he'll let this slide." Jared reasoned.

As the two twins began bickering even more, nobody seemed to realize that the front door had creaked open as Mr. Heere had just arrived from work.

"Kids? Are you in Jared's room?" Mr. Heere called as he closed the door behind him and scurried over to Jared's room. He peered in to see Jared and Jeremy arguing, almost close enough to start pulling each other's glasses off their faces, and Evan in the corner whimpering quiet,  _"Guys, please stop."_ s over and over with neither of the intended boys hearing.

Jared was the first to spot their dad. He jumped away from his brother and hugged his boyfriend hoping that he feigned innocence well. Jeremy paused for a second, confused of his brother's reaction and looked at the door only to be met with their dad's stern stare.

"J-jared started it by finishing the chicken teriyaki for dinner!" Jeremy stopped his usual slouching and stood as upright as possible and pointed an accusing finger at his twin who was trying to pretend to finish Evan's homework.

"Hey! We were hungry!" Jared reasoned.

"And he didn't finish his homework either!" Jeremy added, his tone getting even more accusing.

"I-i, I was finishing Evan's first!" Jared pouted, lamely crossing his arms together.

"Oh really then? So if I grab Evan's calculus homework, it'll be done?" Jeremy reached in for Evan's copy of Ms. Norbury's homework.

"NO!" Jared slapped his brother's hand away. "I-uh, were not nearly as done as you think we are!"

They began bickering even louder and in the middle of it, Jeremy grabbed Jared's glasses and held it up high, using his 3 inch height difference to his advantage.

"Boys! Stop!" Mr. Heere sternly yelled-not enough to sound angry though since that would backfire- hoping it'd break the argument between his sons. When none of them seemed to notice, he stood in between them and disputed the fight.

After the bickering siblings had finally made up, the four of them ate their pizza silently.

Jared and Evan went back to Jared's bedroom to finish their homework while Jeremy went back to his, ready to converse with the supercomputer on tomorrow's plans to confront Michael.

~~~~

Jeremy was on his way to the Mell household with a (hopefully) well constructed plan in mind.

He meekly stepped onto their doorstep and knocked loudly. Surprisingly, one of his moms opened the door.

"Ah, Jeremy! What brings you to this house?" Oh, it was Cynthia. Anita usually answered the door.

"Oh, uh, I just wanted to hang out with Michael today. Y'know, like always?" Jeremy tried to explain, hoping that she wouldn't point out how he hadn't been at their house for almost an entire month.

"Oh, okay then. Come inside and have a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. My wife is a spectacular baker! Well, I expect you to know that already since you've been stopping by since you were 7." Cynthia rambled on. Jeremy guessed that's where Michael got his habit of droning on. "Micha's probably downstairs playing Mario Kart again."

"Okay, Cynth. I'll go on downstairs now." Jeremy said, feeling like he was walking on eggshells in the Mell household, which was surprising since he had always felt welcome in their home. Now that he'd done something irreversibly awful to Michael, it felt like he wasn't welcome anymore.

He opened the door to the basement to be met with the same old gaming space he and Michael played in for nearly all his life, but there was something wrong. He couldn't see his blue beanbag anymore. He knew he wasn't  _that_  blind, so it gave him quite a surprise. But then he remembered that he literally cut his best friend out of his life very abruptly and proceeded to move on without even telling him.

As Jeremy tried to close the door as quietly as possible, Michael still managed to hear his creaky footsteps as he walked down the stairs.

"Mom, if you're trying to make me eat your green bean hotpot, I'm not interested!" Michael shouted, not turning around as he was busy playing Crash Bandicoot on his console.

"Um, hi, Micah." Jeremy began, hoping that he wouldn't be kicked out as soon as Michael realized it was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated but not obligatory! I hope you enjoyed the story and I hope you all have a happy start of the new year!

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped you liked that! And there will be a part 2 to this! I just don't know when I'll make it though.
> 
> And if make any grammatical mistakes, please don't be shy to tell me! If there's anything inaccurate or offensive in this oneshot, I will try to change it the best I can!
> 
> I am not in any way bisexual or gay so I hope the internalized homophobia parts aren't too offensive. If they are, strike me with a conversation so I can fix it!
> 
> Constructive criticism is highly appreciated.
> 
> Again, I apologize for the romance. I have never fallen in love with anyone or had a crush so this may be very inaccurate in the romance aspects.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading!


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